Ministers, Nargles and Heliopaths
by JenkinsDLP
Summary: The war is over. The Rotfang conspiracy continues. Written for DLP's Kill Draco thread and the lulz. Oneshot.


Harry Potter strode calmly down the bustling, sparkling marble halls of the Ministry of Magic. He moved swiftly, the crowd parting almost instantly and staring in slight awe at the 21 year-old wizard. Voldemort had been defeated less than 2 weeks ago and the Wizarding World had been celebrating with a fortnight of non-stop parties. The boy-who-lived himself had been seen at several of them, accompanied almost always by Luna Lovegood, the ex-Ravenclaw whom he was currently dating.

The final battle had taken place in Diagon Alley, where Voldemort's entire forces had broken into, intent on obliterating the street in a swift strike to crush the magical population's spirits in one move. The Order and the Ministry had been well prepared though, thanks to Ministry spies in Voldemort's ranks and had set up defences and traps to defeat the Dark Lord and his forces. They had played to the cockiness on self-assurance of Voldemort to win and the victory had come surprisingly quickly. So it was now that Harry made his way through the crowds of the Ministry, heading towards the Minister of Magic's office.

"Harry," Luna piped up from behind him, jogging a few steps to reach his side. "Are you sure of what you're doing?" He pale blue eyes looked up at him in cautious admiration, as if she wanted to praise him for a task he had yet to perform. Her asparagus earrings swayed in time with her stride, her long creamy legs moving quickly to match Harry's long steps.

The saviour of the Wizarding world stopped abruptly, standing still and staring forward with a slight frown on his face. He scratched the stubble on his chin thoughtfully and rubbed his right arm. Turning to Luna, a bright smile broke out on his face as he answered her. "I've never been so sure of anything in my life Luna," his emerald eyes seemed to flicker as though there was a raging inferno inside. "I must embrace my mother's heritage after all."

Luna squealed and clapped her hands before grabbing her boyfriend and pulling him into a deep kiss. Breaking apart, her face took on a serious expression and she held onto his right forearm. "We have to vanquish the Rotfang conspiracy once and for all Harry." She said with an almost sombre voice as Harry nodded in agreement. "We must kill the head of the Tarpyhton and the body will follow."

Harry smiled and took her hand, leading her through the quickly parting crowd again. Luna was right; it was time to take action in order to help the Wizarding world. He was their saviour after all.

After around 5 minutes of navigating their way through the halls and lifts of the Ministry, they finally arrived at the heavy, varnished oak door of the Minister. Harry stared at the engraved, golden nameplate for a second before pushing open the door and stepping in.

"Minister!" he cried out spreading his arms in friendly greeting.

The cum-stained head of Draco Malfoy whipped up, a few drips of greasy gel flying off in several directions as he focused on Harry, his pockmarked and parchmenty face scrunching into an expression of what Harry guessed to be disgust or annoyance.

"Potter!" Malfoy spat with his noticeable lisp, rising from his chair and walking over to the couple. "Just because we won the war together does not give you the right to talk to me."

Luna stared at Malfoy with apprehensive disgust as he made his way between her, Harry and the door, placing his hands on his hips in a way eerily reminiscent of the plump Molly Weasley and her recently plumper daughter Ginny. Harry's nose crinkled in annoyance.

"I Harry Potter, saviour of the Wizarding world and in general great man," began Harry in a commanding voice. "Do hereby swear to slay you, Draco Malfoy, the questionably human Minister of Magic." He finished by rolling up his sleeves to reveal what appeared to be a tattoo of a flaming giant on his right forearm.

Malfoy's jaw dropped open for a second before he sneered at Harry in his cliché manner, though he took a step backwards to the door, his hand reaching slowly behind him and fumbling for the doorknob.

"Is that a threat, Potter?" he asked his voice slightly higher than usually and sweat started to drip down his face. "I'll have you know, a threat on someone who is a distinguished and respected Minister like I is a stupid thing to do."

Luna sighed with a small smile on her face. "Oh Mr Malfoy," she said flicking a long of shiny golden hair out of her face. "You know nobody likes you." She finished sweetly, bouncing a little on her toes. Harry nodded in agreement, the air starting to shimmer around him as though it was summer, and his eyes turning a slightly orange colour.

Malfoy's pasty face lost what little colour it had and he let out a small squeak before he tore open the door and sprinted out of the office. Harry sighed, a gush of steam blowing out his mouth as he did. "I wish he wouldn't run."

Luna nodded sympathetically before backing away a few steps. "I know Harry, but the Rotfang must be dealt with." With that, there was a deafening rush of searing wind and an explosion of flames as Harry underwent his ancestral transformation.

He shot up several feet as hellish-red flames wrapped themselves around his warping body. Black, bat-like wings tore out of his back, sending flames blasting around the office and incinerating the Minister's desk. Horns pushed themselves out of his forehead with another rush of fire and his nails lengthened into sharp, crimson claws.

Before Luna now stood what appeared to be a giant demon covered in roaring flames. The dreaded Heliopath. Luna sighed and her eyes shone with lust as she stared at her boyfriend who turned to her and picked his ear with a shining talon. "You should come, if you want." Harry grunted out in a deep, gravely voice. With that he bounded forward, burning his way through he doorway into the hall and taken off in a sprint down the hall.

Luna ran out into the corridor and stared after her newly transformed Harry. Tears of happiness and pride glistened in her eyes as she watched him rush down the hall, hurling fireballs left and right, searing the flesh from the screaming Ministry workers bones.

She skipped down the hall after him, daintily avoiding the giant, steaming footprints that had been melted into the linoleum. She skipped past a naked man who was a burnt and bloodied lump crying out weakly for help and bean humming the catchy 'Weasley is our King' tune.

She caught up to Harry in the Atrium, after passing through floors of bloody carnage and screaming bodies. Luna didn't mind though, the Rotfang conspiracy was a horrible plan and each and every one of these people deserved to burn in Heliohell.

Harry was standing on the top of a staircase in his human form, to Luna's disappointment. The atrium was littered with burning rubble and blackened bodies. There was the occasional soft scream of pain and despair but overall Luna felt a peaceful sense of calm to the room.

Draco Malfoy was sprawled out at the bottom of the staircase, staring up at Harry with terror in his eyes. He looked at Luna as she approached, wrapping her arm around Harry's waist and smiling up at him in joy. "How can you possibly love this…this…MONSTER!" sobbed Malfoy.

Luna snapped her head to Malfoy furiously and Harry's face took on a look of fear as he backed away from his girlfriend slowly.

"Mr Malfoy," said Luna, her voice trembling with fury. "I love Harry with all my heart, Heliopath or not. It was time he showed you the truth of the world, and he said he would rather do it himself than use the Snorkacks." Malfoy's face twisted into hideous confusion at what the blonde witch said.

Luna reached into her purse and pulled out what looked like a rolled up magazine. She unfurled _The Quibbler _and held it up above her head, waving it to the dying audience in the Atrium. "I told you bitches! Nargles are coming next!" she yelled out with glee.

Harry came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and they both looked down at the weeping Minister. "Here you go Mr Malfoy," giggled Luna. "You can have the first one." Reaching into her handbag, she pulled out a twig of what looked like mistletoe and tossed it down to Malfoy who caught it in confusion.

As he looked at the popular Christmas plant, anguished and perplexed he didn't notice Luna and Harry apparate away. He stared hard at the leaves and noticed a small twitch of movement. Sticking his finger in to poke it, he let out a soft "What the hell is that?"

Suddenly, blood splattered his face and all he could feel was searing pain where his finger used to be. Pulling his blood-gushing stump to his chest he dropped the Mistletoe, but not in time to stop a small black creature from leaping out and latching onto his face. The atrium was filled with Draco Malfoy's dying screams as the vicious Nargle tore its way down his throat using its horribly sharp, barbed claws. Malfoy's last view was his open throat pouring out blood, and the black, fluffy tail of the tiny creature disappearing down his oesophagus.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Harry apparated with a crack into his large living room, Luna's warm arm wrapped around his waist tightly.

"That was marvellous Harry," she said, standing on tiptoes to place a kiss on his nose." But we should get to bed, Fleur and Daphne will get cranky, and you couldn't even go for a pee the last time you made them mad."

So it was that Luna Lovegood dragged a grinning Harry Potter to his bedroom where he could already see some steam and littered underwear. The Rotfang had finally been vanquished. Now the saviour could finally relax.


End file.
